Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
there's paper in my vomit.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you will always have a special place in my vag
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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