I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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