If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
