Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
