Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
