I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
