Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
