is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
