I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
