Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
