Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
