I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
