i think i have two assholes
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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