right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
