Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
A+ Viking dick
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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