so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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