Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I am spending my child support on dildos
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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