I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
