I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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