Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
