based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
