dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Bring me that man meat
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
