After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
