It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
