I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
