Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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