You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
