he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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