why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
