Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
