Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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