So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
