I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
