how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
worst night to have a conscience
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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