Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
