i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
