Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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