yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
