it wasn't lemon gatorade
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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