real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
