This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
