i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
