If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
