id be glad to
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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