So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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