I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
