he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
