I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
