As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i think i have herpe
just one?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
