i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
