Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
