Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Two words: blizzard sex
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
