Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
