I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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