I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
