upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
