I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
