i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
